By Lachlan Brown
1) Overly concerned about their image
That phenomenon? Image management.
Those who are sweet and kind on the surface, but selfish underneath, are usually masters of this art. They’re extremely concerned about how they’re perceived by others.
Think about it. They often go out of their way to portray themselves as good Samaritans. They volunteer at charity events, they lend a helping hand when it’s convenient for them, and they’re always ready with a compliment. But dig a little deeper, and you’ll find that these actions are often less about helping others and more about creating a favorable image.
When someone is overly concerned about their image, it can be a sign that they’re more interested in the benefits of appearing kind than in actually being kind.
2) They’re rarely there when you need them
This one hits close to home for me.
A friend of mine, let’s call him Jack, was always the life of the party. He had a knack for making people feel special and was always quick to lend a hand – as long as others were watching.
However, when I found myself going through a tough time, Jack was conspicuously absent. I reached out to him numerous times, but he always had an excuse – he was too busy, he had other commitments, or he was just “too tired.”
It became apparent that Jack’s kindness had conditions. He was there when it benefited him, but when it came to offering genuine support or empathy, he was nowhere to be found.
This behavior is a hallmark of those who are sweet on the surface but selfish underneath. They’re great at providing surface-level support but shy away from situations that require genuine emotional investment.
3) They constantly play the victim
Did you know that playing the victim is a common strategy used by those who are selfish to manipulate situations in their favor?
Individuals who seem sweet and kind but are actually selfish tend to use this tactic frequently. They paint themselves as the victim in every situation, making it difficult for others to hold them accountable for their actions.
This behavior is rooted in a psychological phenomenon known as ‘victim mentality’, which is a learned personality trait where a person tends to regard themselves as a victim of the negative actions of others, even in the absence of clear evidence.
By playing the victim, these individuals can shift blame, avoid responsibility, and manipulate others into providing them with sympathy and attention. Their apparent sweetness hides this manipulative behavior, making it challenging to recognize their true intentions.
4) They have a knack for guilt-tripping
Another common trait of individuals who are sweet on the surface but inherently selfish is their ability to guilt-trip others.
This is a subtle form of manipulation where they make you feel guilty for not meeting their expectations or demands, even when these are unreasonable. They have a way of twisting situations to make it seem like you’re the one at fault, and they’re the aggrieved party.
It’s a clever tactic, really. By making you feel guilty, they can influence your actions and decisions to align with their desires, all while maintaining their sweet and innocent facade.
True kindness doesn’t come with strings attached. If someone consistently makes you feel guilty for not doing what they want, it might be a sign of underlying selfishness.
5) They rarely show genuine empathy
In the heart of human connection, empathy plays a crucial role. It’s the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, to step into their shoes, to feel their joy and their pain.
But for those who are sweet on the surface and selfish underneath, empathy often takes a back seat. They might make grand gestures of kindness in public, but when it comes to truly empathizing with another person’s struggles or pain, they fall short.
You see, genuine empathy requires selflessness – it demands that we put someone else’s needs and feelings before our own. But for someone who is inherently selfish, this is a tall order. Their focus remains primarily on themselves and their needs, even if they present a kind exterior.
It’s sad, really. Because in the absence of empathy, real connections are hard to forge. And without these connections, their sweetness remains just that – a surface-level facade.
6) They rarely make sacrifices for others
This takes me back to a relationship I was once in. I deeply cared for this person, and she seemed to care for me too. She was always sweet, always kind, and always there with a comforting word or gesture.
However, as time passed, I began to notice a pattern. While she was more than happy to accept my help and sacrifices, she seldom reciprocated. If something didn’t align with her plans or preferences, she wouldn’t budge.
In retrospect, it was an important lesson for me. True kindness often requires sacrifice. It means sometimes putting someone else’s needs above your own. It means stepping out of your comfort zone for the sake of another.
But when someone is selfish underneath their sweet exterior, they often struggle with this concept of sacrifice. They may be willing to give, but only as long as it doesn’t inconvenience them or require them to step out of their comfort zone.
7) They’re quick to take but slow to give
This is a telling behavior of those who are sweet and kind on the surface but selfish underneath – they’re often quick to take but slow when it comes to giving back.
They’ll readily accept help, favors, or generosity from others, but when the tables are turned, they’re nowhere to be found. They might come up with an array of excuses or simply divert the topic.
In a healthy relationship, be it personal or professional, there’s a balance of give and take. But with these individuals, the balance tends to tip heavily towards ‘take’. Their sweetness often masks this one-sided behavior, making it difficult for people to see them for what they truly are.
8) Their actions don’t match their words
At the heart of it all, the most revealing sign of those who are sweet on the surface but selfish underneath is a simple, timeless truth – their actions don’t match their words.
They may talk a good game, promising to be there for you, offering help, or expressing their devotion. But when it comes down to actually following through, they often fall short.
This inconsistency between what they say and what they do is a clear indication of their underlying selfishness. Because in the end, true kindness isn’t about sweet words or grand gestures; it’s about showing up, being present, and putting others before yourself when it matters the most.
Lachlan BrownLachlan Brown is a renowned expert in mindfulness, relationships, and personal development. With over a decade of experience, Lachlan has dedicated his career to exploring the intricacies of human behavior and self-improvement. For his latest articles and updates, follow him on Facebook.
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